Facing Fears

I will probably get made fun of for having this fear. I didn't make any official New Years resolutions. I tend to keep my goals in my head and never write them down in fear of not achieving them. Instead of writing down any goals I have decided that 2009 will be the year that I tackle some of my fears, (maybe I should add writing down goals to my list). So I already failed at one attempt of a certain fear, but I won't disclose it until I actually succeed:)

I did have success at facing another one of my fears. I gave blood!! I know it sounds so stupid but seriously this has been something that has been haunting me for 11 years! My Junior year in High school the Red Cross came to our school for a blood drive. I signed up to give blood. I was scared to death but didn't realize how real my fear was until the interview process. My face went completely pale and I couldn't stop shaking. The nice lady asking me questions took one look at me and said, "I don't think your quite ready for this yet." I agreed with her and haven't attempted to give blood since. Every time that sign up sheet goes around Relief Society, it kills me that I am too scared to sign up. It's one thing to just not want to do it, but I can't stand not doing things because I am too scared to. I usually take the easy way out and sign up as a volunteer. This time I took the plunge and signed up to give blood. Once I made the decision I just told myself there was no backing out and I was doing it no matter what.

So the day comes and Isaiah and I head off to the church. I dropped Isaiah off in the Nursery and signed in. As I was signing in I saw a lady I used to play basketball with leaving. She was turned away because she was anemic. For a quick second I allowed myself to hope I was anemic but quickly brushed the thought aside because I really needed to get this out of the way. Well I made it through all the questions and blood test and 45 minutes later found myself on the luxurious lawn chair. I made sure my phlebotomist knew how nervous I was and I did not want to see the needle or anything else associated with the process. I turned my head and closed my eyes until he got the needle in. He actually did a great job because I didn't feel a thing. He let me know that my blood was flowing really fast and I should be done in 4 minutes. This is the hard part for me because just the thought of a needle stinking in my vein and my blood draining out into a bag makes me nauseous. I quickly informed him he couldn't give me a play by play or I would freak out. I kept closing my eyes and he kept telling me to open them. I told him I needed to keep them closed so I could concentrate. He told me I needed to keep them open so he knew I was still conscious. Fair enough. Ten minutes later he told me I was done. I relaxed just as he was saying, "I just need to get a few tubes for testing." Big mistake. I had allowed myself to relax and be done and now this needle was going to stay in me longer. The last thing I remember saying was, "I feel a little bit dizzy." Then lights out. I slipped into a nice little dream, and when I came to, I was lying on my back with my feet up and people all around me. I couldn't believe it. The first I said was, "Were you able to finish?" They were and I was glad. I didn't want it to be all for naught. I felt like crud for the rest of the day.

Though I did face this one fear, the thing I realized is that the hard part is not going to be facing my fears. The hard part is going to be to revisit them later. I have to continue to give blood until it is no longer hard for me. With that being said this is not going to be a 2009 goal of mine. I will be doing this for the rest of my life!

When I was talking to Daniel about this he said something that got me thinking. He said, "It's funny how things work out. You have a fear of giving blood, but you are able to do it. It doesn't scare me one bit, but I can't do it."

I think this put some things into perspective for me. We are all given challenges in this life and most of them are ones that we are capable of getting through. We just have to realize our potential. It's the challenges that we have no control over the outcome that takes the real leap of faith.

Well that's my Monday morning thoughts! I do realize how lame my fear of giving blood is, but it did teach me a thing or two:)

Three Years!

02-08-06

I know to some three years is nothing, but to others it is more than they were granted. Daniel and I have faced so many challenges together in these three plus years it feels like we have been together for much longer. Daniel has taught me to be more patient and not worry about the things I can't control. He has kept me level headed on more than one occasion. He is truly an amazing person who I love very much. With that being said, he's still Daniel:) He can be my second child at times. He is so fun!

As you can see by my attire, these are some pictures from dating. Daniel wanted to take me to go play tennis. I am not very good at tennis, so I thought I would at least make it fun by dressing up.

Also pre-marriage. Daniel took me to my favorite restaurant, The Melting Pot, for my 23rd birthday. As you can see by the look on his face, the check was not sitting well with him. We had a fun time though!

I added the pictures of Daniel and Isaiah because their relationship means so much to me. Daniel and I dated pretty non traditionally. I was very hesitant to start dating and it took a long time for me to finally go on a date. Daniel would call me and ask me what I was doing. I was never just sitting around doing nothing, so I would always tell him what I was doing. His response would be, "alright, well I guess I will just catch up with you later." After he hung up I was always baffled. I was like, "dude why don't you just ask me out if you want to go out with me?" Well our first official date was pretty funny. My sister Debora invited Isaiah and I to go with her and her family to a cabin in Bend. I decided I would ask Daniel to go with us as our first date?!?! Anyway, that is where it all started for me. He was absolutely amazing with all the kids and especially Isaiah. We got to have some alone time as well and after that trip it was all over for me:)


This picture makes me laugh every time I see it. It looks like Daniel and I getting ready to kiss right? Nope, it's my little sister Monica. (for those of you who might be wondering they obviously didn't kiss:)

Below are some more pictures prior to marriage that bring back fond memories.

Daniel and Isaiah drawing right before a sleigh ride with Santa.

Camping with my sister Lindsey and her family. Isaiah and Connor (3) think they have won the battle as Daniel is playing dead on the ground. Little do they know he is about to jump up and chase them as soon as they get close enough.

Trip to Bend with my sister Michele and her family. On this trip Daniel stripped down to his underwear, (which were basically spandex type things), and jumped in the river from a rope right in front of my sister and her husband. What a man!

Next on our list, graduation!

Sunday Salvation

With Isaiah being an only child, Sundays can sometimes be very tiresome for Daniel and I. We feel like chilling out and relaxing, but we have a six year old to keep busy with "Sunday appropiate" activities. When the weather is nice it is a lot easier. This last Sunday Daniel and I were both tired. We came home from church, ate lunch, and played monopoly Jr. with Isaiah. After all that it was only 2:00pm! The thought crossed my mind that we should all take a nice family nap, but for some reason I didn't follow through with it. Then at about 4pm Daniel said he didn't feel very good and he was going to lay down for a nap. Keeping in mind I felt very sorry for Daniel:), I tought, "man I am sooo tired." The only part of motherhood I claim genius for me, is my secret cupboard that I hide some of Isaiah's toys in. Now some of you may think that it sounds mean but hear me out. I put all his cool, mom or dad needs to help me with, toys up there. He forgets all about them. Then when I am desperate, I pull something out and it's like Christmas all over for him. He gets so super excited about the whole thing. Here is the lastest of the "saving mommy" toys we pulled out.

He just loved sitting there and watching that little boat go around and around. At the end of the video you can see him jump a little bit. He thought the boat was going to run into the shower curtain and set on fire. I asked him, "Isaiah do you remember who gave you this boat?" He said (sorry Charlotte), "Grandma Dewey!" I said, "No, remember your aunt Charlotte and Uncle Jeff brought it all the way back from Germany and gave it to you for Christmas." His response was, "I've always wanted to go to Germany!"

Thanks Charlotte for the very cool gift! You know it's cool if it makes it into the cupboard:)